ON LIFE OUTSIDE THE WOLF DEN, ANTISOCIAL TENDENCIES, AND DRESSING IN THE FANCY CLOTHES
Wednesday (!) March 31 and Friday April 2 2021
Dear Sarah,
Wednesday was a very brisk day, sunny but as cold as winter. This weekend we’ll be tipping toward and into the 70s. Springtime!
I have been thinking about the spirit of this moment in the pandemic, the process of figuring out reopening the country and world, and I’ve been feeling a new sort of simmering anxiety about it all. Tonight I tried to understand my feelings through the lens of a feral human metaphor: it is like we’ve all been raised by wolves in the past year, out of sight of our fellow humans; but unlike children in a fable, we all know what we think humans are supposed to be like—so now as we approach a time when we might reunite with other humans, we are starting to feel skittish, here in our wolf dens. A columnist in The Guardian had the same sort of vibe going yesterday, speaking of the difficult prospect of reconvening with our fellow humans and reengaging in small talk. I liked her thought about remaking our casual greetings: We’re entering a post-small talk society. One in which casual phrases of greeting such as “How’s it going?” or “How have you been?” need to be replaced with “What was your first encounter with death?” or, “When’s the last time you screamed, and why?”
I also thought this morning about astronauts, away from Earth for long stretches of time, seeing the planet from afar, eventually obligated to rejoin their fellow humans on the planet, to live life here on the ground. We don’t want to pretend that nothing happened—it would be impossible to do so anyway—but figuring out precisely what the new way of being will be is still to come.
Last night I went to two events: first, a Bookforum panel about careerism in American fiction, using a review by Christian Lorentzen of a Philip Roth biography as a jumping-off point (I did not read the article, nor have I read much (any?) Philip Roth, and I think it’s safe to say I won’t be reading the biography); I was largely drawn to the event by its title, Don’t stop until all your enemies are dead!. This event was not a fit for me or my mood last night; the appeal of the title stands.
Then I went to a book launch event put on by Gray Area in SF celebrating the publication of Pharmako-AI, a book co-created by K Allado-McDowell and the emergent AI GPT-3. This was a fascinating event and an excellent discussion between K Allado-McDowell, Dorothy R. Santos, and Elvia Wilk. I realized as I watched that I had seen K Allado-McDowell at another Gray Area event (an actual in-person event!) and had been similarly struck by their work then; I’m certain I’ve got notes on their talk buried in a notebook somewhere (endless notes and notebooks!). Elvia Wilk has a book out that I would like to read, and I learned after some digging that she was a founding editor of a digital publication called uncube magazine that captivated me a handful of years ago when I ran across it. Dorothy R. Santos seemed very familiar and I learned among other things that she is the ED of the Processing Foundation. The reading and discussion session was about two hours long and it held my attention the whole time (no small feat these days). I ordered the book a while ago, I think from the UK (why do I keep doing this?) and am looking forward to its arrival. The idea of co-creating a text with an AI is very intriguing (and in keeping with my TNG pro-Data vibes these days).
The two events seemed to be on opposite sides of a spectrum of what writing was, is, and could be. That was perhaps the overarching takeaway of the evening, and some of what is the best about being able to attend virtual events these days: these mash-ups can happen so much more directly, without days or travel time tucked in between. I was at an event conceptually located in New York and an event conceptually located in San Francisco, with just a matter of seconds separating my attendance at either. Was I transporting myself between events, or was I transporting the speakers into my own home? I suppose for myself as a viewer it was primarily the latter, with a dusting of the former. Such TNG!
I loved to hear about your bland bush nearing its splendid week of the year! I also had a lot of thoughts about your words on our experimental advice column with J, my thoughts mostly coming back to the idea that you and I are different, and have different ways of thinking and writing (Captain Obvious at the keyboard!) I was fascinated to read that your approach to the advice column is to take an angle on something and see if through. You ask yourself, What way into this issue will I take? You noted that you are enjoying the experience of having to pick an approach and follow it through, rather than stopping at the point of loosely mulling all the ways into a given topic. I think that perhaps loosely mulling all the ways into a given topic has actually been my approach! I tend to take notes or type some possible partial responses over multiple sessions, plug them into a doc if they’re handwritten, and then read and reread and move things around until things coalesce into some shape that looks and feels right. I suppose I’m still taking an angle in there; is the angle something that emerges consciously or subconsciously (asking myself, and you, too, if you might know the answer)? I don’t think I’m making any big decisions when I get started, is all—my decisions come at the end. I’ll mull further and we should discuss further as we press on with J in this new project!
It is before noon on Friday and I’m ready to send you my letter! This afternoon I will receive my first dose of a covid vaccine (!) and tonight M and I are going to get takeout from a new-to-us Ecuadorian place! This weekend we’ll dabble in some yard work and we are planning to enjoy the first gin and tonics of the season! Wishing you very well for a happy Friday and the happiest of weekends!
Until soon!
Eva
P.S. On the AI front, maybe you’ve enjoyed these before: Janelle Shane’s experiments with AI to generate e.g. pickup lines and April Fool’s Day pranks. A colleague of ours introduced me to Janelle’s work and I enjoy these posts every time I read them! A prank you can do at home, courtesy of GPT-3 variant Curie: Set up a freezer in your freezer. Then put a sign on it that says "Freezer burn." … Take a picture of your bathroom and plaster it on your fridge. … Install a fake microwave on the wall that you never use. Thank you, Curie!
April 2, 2021
Dear Eva,
Your letter has been flaunting itself in my inbox all day, and I am now ready to get my act together so I can open the darn thing! It is Friday early evening, and the oven is wafting out the non-specific smell of high heat in an empty chamber as it prepares for its weekly pizza-baking duties. Simon has informed us that “it is a big night!” because he has chosen Trolls World Tour as his movie pick this evening, a decision which was shrouded in secrecy until just minutes ago. I feel an unusual amount of anticipation about this weekend, mainly because the weather is finally popping into proper springtime temps, opening up the possibility of pleasant outdoor Easter-inspired activities and our first 2021 bike outing for beer and nachos with our buddy Anne. We also have a plan to watch this year’s slate of Oscar-nominated documentary shorts, thanks to a free program through the Des Moines Art Center. Big weekend, indeed!
Unfortunately for you, you caught me in a bit of a funk yesterday for the first time in quite some time. (Somehow, the pleasure of our February Ozarks adventure has continued compounding in the weeks since we returned; the memory of the fun doing just as much to buoy us as the experience of the fun itself!) My funk was specific, fueled directly by a dismissive if unintentional slight by someone who is not paying nearly enough attention to make it in any way personal. I am mad at myself for even caring! My sensitivity on this has me thinking back to an interview conversation I heard between Jia Tolentino and Ezra Klein a couple of years back, about how the characteristics that make writers and other public figures impervious to online critique (legitimate and illegitimate) were not necessarily the same characteristics that make them good writers or people worth listening to. It takes some antisocial tendencies not to let the perceptions of another human being affect you! And this is not a muscle of mine that is supple or strong. Thinking back to last week’s letter exchange and the discussion about our advice project, I suppose this, too, is another form of accountability that comes with giving anything a real go. If we are to see something through, we have to be ready to withstand a few barbs from other human beings along the way.
Last week you wrote about your continued busyness, and I chuckled at your mention that it feels boring to keep saying it. I love how the letters make it so easy to see the seasonality of such things. Right now, you are in a busy patch. Soon, you will have a more leisurely (or at least more reasonable) stretch of time. We will see it in writing, and therefore it will be more real and palpable than it would be if it were not documented in this way. In recent years, I have often found it reassuring to be reminded of the cyclical nature of moods and phases. One of the biggest shifts for me in parenting a second child versus a first has been the way in which I have been better equipped to recognize that every hard time is temporary—the sleepless nights, the tantrums, diapers. It is less comforting to recognize that the same goes for happy times! But just as important to keep in mind, lest we fool ourselves into thinking that our kids at this moment will be our kids in the future. Right now, both of our children are on a glorious streak. Jonah has discovered a love of acting, so we are subject to constant performances whether we like it or not. Simon has fully come into his own, deciding among other things that, unlike his brother who will not wear pants without elastic, he loves “fancy clothes” so he regularly sports khakis and button down shirts. These phases won’t last. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, during a different phase (perhaps caused by insufficient sleep from staying up too late reading with a flashlight), I had jotted down notes about how we were getting glimmers of what it may be like to parent a brooding teen. I was surprised to find how lonely it felt, like I was losing someone. It was temporary then, but eventually it will be permanent, and it is good to be reminded that these changes are all part of the grand cycle.
It is now several hours later. Pizza (and children) called before I finished writing earlier in the evening. I am excited to now finally be nearing the moment I can read your words! I had lots of plans about things I would write tonight, and somehow none of them found their way to the page. Not now, maybe later, as my wise friend would say.
I hope you are well on your way into a relaxing Friday night full of Star Trek and tasty cocktails. I wish you a wonderful weekend, and I will talk to you soon!
Yours,
Sarah